Baby Dumpling's Poppa

Loss of a Family Pet

THIS POST AND THE FOLLOWING 2 POSTS TOOK PLACE OVER AN 8 DAY PERIOD. I POSTED THEM IN THE ORDER OF EVENTS:

This past weekend Baby Dumpling's cat, Kate, had an accident with the garage door. Although the sensors work to stop the door from closing, which I test regularly, it apparently wasn't good enough to prevent the accident.

When my wife and I arrived home Baby Dumpling called out to my wife, "mommy my cat is hurt." My wife ran over to investigate, she looked up at me with a horrified look then darted into the house screaming. When I got over there to look, knowing that what I will find would not be good, Baby Dumpling told me that Kate was hurt, then she petted the cat and said, "it's o.k. Kate you'll feel better."

We proceeded to take care of things while questioning how do we explain death to a two and half year old especially when it's her cat that died. My wife tried to tell Baby Dumpling that Kate is going away and we have to say goodbye. So they put flowers and at the time Baby Dumpling seemed to be dealing with it better than her parents. That night we didn't speak about it much just waited to see if there were going to be any questions, which there weren't.

Yesterday went fairly well, my wife and I both get a bad feeling every time we go near, open or close the garage door but we are recovering. Baby Dumpling again seemed to be doing better than her parents until prayer time last night. We usually say bless mommy, daddy, Baby Dumpling, Nini, the dog and Kate, keep everyone safe, bless all the animals in the world and take care of them and help all the people in the world to have food, Amen. Last night there was an interruption. Baby Dumpling wanted to know where Kate was and she demanded to see Kate. My wife and I tried to explain that the day before we had to say goodbye to Kate and we put flowers because she wasn't going to come back. We are trying very hard to handle this as to not put the fear if someone gets hurt they won't come back or if you sleep you'll disappear or die. I feel this topic needs to be handled delicately until Baby Dumpling gets old enough to understand this concept. As new parent I'm not too sure how to handle this situation, perhaps getting another cat would be the best thing to do, so the transference/healing process can occur. Maybe just letting it go and answer Baby Dumpling's questions the best I can about why she can't see Kate anymore might be a way. The biggest problem is Baby Dumpling has a very good memory, so her forgetting is not likely to happen anytime soon.

I was starting to wonder why I still call my blog Poppa2b because, I thought, I was a Poppa already but in this situation I realize that I'm not yet a Poppa more like a, "Poppa in training" and someday I'll be a Poppa.

Lying to Your Child

In the ongoing saga of dealing with Kate's passing I have found myself being somewhat of a politician. Today Baby Dumpling found a pet toy and said it belong to Kate and asked where Kate was. I replied that Kate was not here, implying that she was not in the house. That seemed to satisfy Baby Dumpling's question for the moment.

Tonight the question came up again and I found myself again playing politician. Just before bedtime prayer Baby Dumpling asked, "where is Kate?" I answered she's outside, hoping that would satisfy and end the questions, it did not. The next question was, "what is she doing?" I replied that she is playing.

Granted I did not tell Baby Dumpling the actual truth regarding the location or activity of Kate, but in my mind I didn't "technically" lie to her. First Kate was not in the house so she must be outside and second I don't know for absolute fact that animals don't have a soul. If cats have a soul then Kate would be in heaven playing and having a great time.(The story of Kate will be posted soon) I also don't feel that this is the best time to discuss who has a soul and who doesn't. I am not an expert on deciding who does or does not have a soul or who goes to heaven and who doesn't, that's not my place.

This brings up some interesting thoughts that can justify my answers to Baby Dumpling, because I am playing politician by splitting hairs and answering in terms that cannot be justified or denied. My argument is; why would humans be the only creatures on this earth to have souls? Since we don't know for actual fact that humans have souls, how can we say for absolute fact that animals don't have souls? The question of having or not having a soul remains a mystery, but if the bible is correct then the animals are taken to heaven, making my statement to Baby Dumpling correct, (I'm really stretching this one to justify my actions), I would be telling Baby Dumpling the truth and therefore not lying to her.

This is a delicate matter and I feel that it is important to handle it as if were fine crystal or china. At this age children are still developing both physically and mentally. The things we, as parents, say and do will stick with our children for life or it will cost a lot in psychological repair money.

Healing After a Loss

A few days ago Baby Dumpling decided that Kate had left her and moved in with someone else. This made her a little sad, maybe not as much as it bothered both my wife and I. We didn't want Baby Dumpling to think that Kate didn't like her, Kate loved Baby Dumpling. We didn't say anything to Baby Dumpling because we wanted to think about what is the right thing to say and figure out the right way to say it. As the day went on Baby Dumpling didn't mention it anymore so we didn't feel the need to address the issue.

That afternoon when Baby Dumpling woke from her nap, she recalled everything that happened to Kate. She remembered that Kate was seriously hurt in the back and she put flowers then said goodbye. Baby Dumpling did this on her own, we didn't encourage or force her to face reality. Although it was very sad and heartbreaking to watch Baby Dumpling come to the realization that Kate was gone, it was also a relief. Still the tears and sad face was very difficult to handle, but that is part of the healing process. After a little while Baby Dumpling decided that we needed to go buy another cat, an orange cat. I don't know where she got the idea about buying a cat let alone an orange one, but I told her that we'll look at the shelter to see if they have an orange cat that needs a home.

I didn't see anything online from the local shelter so I went to the Noah shelter webpage. They didn't appear to have an orange cat either, but I told Baby Dumpling that we will go the next day and try to find an orange cat. Later that night I decided to check the craig's list to see if there was an orange cat that someone was trying to find a home for. As luck would have it there was an orange kitten that was dumped then rescued by a very nice caring family. Actually there was a litter of kittens that were dumped, and this family rescued them, took the kittens to get their shots as well as have them fixed. They were able to find homes for all but 2 kittens. The owner of their building was insisting they find homes soon for the remaining kittens as quickly as possible.

After taking the drive north to the Noah shelter and having Baby Dumpling look at all the cats they had, she didn't find one that she was especially attached too. She was willing to take all of them because they needed a home and someone to take care of them, especially the white one with the broken ear. But her heart was set on an orange cat.

I contacted the family that had the orange cat and although they lived very far away, much further north than the Noah shelter, I decided to take the drive. When we arrived we discovered that the orange cat was actually a kitten, about 5 months, and he had a cream colored brother. At first we only took the orange cat, and the family gave us his shot record. When we got back to the van and got everyone in their seats my wife and I started talking about the orange kitten's brother. We didn't really want 2 kittens, but we didn't have the heart to split them up. I went back, which might have made this nice family think that I changed my mind and I was returning the orange kitten, but this was not the case. I told them that we don't have the heart to split the 2 brothers apart so we'll take them both. The family almost gave me their last cat carrier because I was unprepared for 2 kittens, they gave away their extra carrier with the first kitten that found a home, but I felt they had already done so much for these kittens we'll have to manage with the small carrier and the long drive home.

Once we made it home I discovered that I was still unprepared. It's been a very long time, before Baby Dumpling was born, since we had a cat that used a litter box, Kate went outside. So the litter box I had was cracked, I also didn't have kitten food. We managed, I used duct tape to fix the crack in the box, but a box with a plastic trash bag under that. I had canned food for the kittens to eat and if they didn't like that I was prepared to fix them some boiled chicken liver. I figured I just need to get through the night and visit Wal-mart the next day. The first night went fairly well. It turns out the cream kitten, C.C., is quite the cuddle bug and although the orange kitten, O.C., is a little more reserved he does like to be held and petted. Baby Dumpling is very excited about having O.C. and C.C., she collected some of the cat toys, and string from various places around the house so the kittens can have something to play with.

I suspect that the healing process is well underway for all of us. My wife and I also feel that bringing both kittens home was the right thing to do for us, the nice family, and the kittens.

The Passing of a Family Pet

This past weekend Baby Dumpling's cat, Kate, had an accident with the garage door. Although the sensors work to stop the door from closing, which I test regularly, it apparently wasn't good enough to prevent the accident.

When my wife and I arrived home Baby Dumpling called out to my wife, "mommy my cat is hurt." My wife ran over to investigate, she looked up at me with a horrified look then darted into the house screaming. When I got over there to look, knowing that what I will find would not be good, Baby Dumpling told me that Kate was hurt, then she petted the cat and said, "it's o.k. Kate you'll feel better."

We proceeded to take care of things while questioning how do we explain death to a two and half year old especially when it's her cat that died. My wife tried to tell Baby Dumpling that Kate is going away and we have to say goodbye. So they put flowers and at the time Baby Dumpling seemed to be dealing with it better than her parents. That night we didn't speak about it much just waited to see if there were going to be any questions, which there weren't.

Yesterday went fairly well, my wife and I both get a bad feeling every time we go near, open or close the garage door but we are recovering. Baby Dumpling again seemed to be doing better than her parents until prayer time last night. We usually say bless mommy, daddy, Baby Dumpling, Nini, the dog and Kate, keep everyone safe, bless all the animals in the world and take care of them and help all the people in the world to have food, Amen. Last night there was an interruption. Baby Dumpling wanted to know where Kate was and she demanded to see Kate. My wife and I tried to explain that the day before we had to say goodbye to Kate and we put flowers because she wasn't going to come back. We are trying very hard to handle this as to not put the fear if someone gets hurt they won't come back or if you sleep you'll disappear or die. I feel this topic needs to be handled delicately until Baby Dumpling gets old enough to understand this concept. As new parent I'm not too sure how to handle this situation, perhaps getting another cat would be the best thing to do, so the transference/healing process can occur. Maybe just letting it go and answer Baby Dumpling's questions the best I can about why she can't see Kate anymore might be a way. The biggest problem is Baby Dumpling has a very good memory, so her forgetting is not likely to happen anytime soon.

I was starting to wonder why I still call my blog Poppa2b because, I thought, I was a Poppa already but in this situation I realize that I'm not yet a Poppa more like a, "Poppa in training."